February is the month of love, making it the perfect time to focus on the most important love—the love for yourself. The way you feel about yourself impacts everything in your life. It impacts how you present yourself, receive information, tackle tasks, and form relationships. Think of it as the trunk of a tree, the foundation, and everything else is the branches. If the trunk isn’t healthy, neither are the branches. 

We aren’t just talking about self-love, but self-esteem and self-compassion. It ebbs and flows as we travel through life. At times we may have low self-esteem and lack compassion for ourselves, we may be mad at how we handled something or have regrets, while other times we may feel great. You may wonder what you can do if you are struggling with self-esteem. What can you do to turn things around and feel confident and secure in yourself? 

At CW Psychological Services in King of Prussia, Pennsylvania, we regularly work with clients struggling with self-esteem. Many clients walk through our doors, or join us online, feeling awful about the people they are, but they are only human. We are all beautiful people on this journey through life trying to do our very best. 

Here are some things we tell clients who are struggling with self-esteem:

1.) Recognize and name three things you are good at.

We are all good at something. It could be singing, dancing, cooking, writing, styling clothes, being a good friend, yoga, running, math, gardening, problem-solving, reading, etc. Anything goes. We also tend to enjoy doing the things we are good at, making for a good mood boost when we are feeling down. 

2.) Surround yourself with positive people. 

We all have been exposed to toxic people. You know the ones. Toxic people are the ones who make us feel worse after spending time with them. They bring us down. Swap the toxic relationships for some positive ones. Surround yourself with those that will lift you up instead of bring you down. Your mood and self-esteem will follow. 

3.) Practice kindness toward yourself.

Everything from negative self-talk to being overly critical about your actions can damage your self-esteem. Instead, practice being gentle. Say things like “It’s okay,” “You did your best,” “You will learn from this and do better next time,” “You are beautiful just the way you are,” “It doesn’t matter what they think, because you know yourself,” etc. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend who needs to hear words of encouragement, grace, and compassion. 

4.) Learn to be assertive. 

This one is hard, especially for those with low self-esteem. It is easy to be quiet and let things happen as they will, rather than standing up for yourself. But, that causes you unnecessary stress. Being assertive is not about making people angry but rather respecting their opinions, needs, and time. For example, maybe you don’t want to bake a pie for the bake sale because you hate baking, instead of just doing it suggest something else you may do.

If you are struggling with this one, take a minute to think about some assertive people in your life. What do they do? Use them as examples to pick up hints and tips, so you can let the real you out and not cover it up. Stand up for what you want. 

5.) Start saying “no.”

Saying “yes” to things even when you don’t want to is harmful to your mental health. It can lead to feelings of overwhelm, resentment, anger, anxiety, or depression. Learning to say “no” is about knowing yourself and recognizing your needs. If you are worried about harming your relationships, understand that building resentment is more harmful. Learn how to say “no” in different ways until people get the message, “I need to stay in tonight,” “Now is not a good time,” “I prefer we do this instead,” etc. 

6.) Give yourself a challenge.

If you never step outside your comfort zone and try new things, it is easy to fall into a feeling of being stuck. Instead, challenge yourself and find joy in overcoming nerves or fear. Start small and set goals. Activities like trying a new exercise class, learning a new recipe, or tackling a home improvement project can be great self-esteem builders. 

7.) Embrace gratitude. 

There are a lot of negative things to focus on in our lives and in the world, but there are also a lot of positive. Work on shifting your mindset by listing a few things each day that you are grateful for. After a while, this practice will become engrained and you will focus more on the positive than the negative. 

Caring For Yourself So You Can Be Your Best

Take time to get to know yourself and your needs and practice meeting those. If you are prone to overstimulation, make sure you have ample downtime built into your days. If you feel like you are starting to get overwhelmed, take a step away and determine what you can let go of to move forward. 

Practice comforting yourself with kind words, remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes, everyone suffers, and everyone wants to be happy. Incorporate more things into your days that bring you joy, like fresh air, tea, good conversation, animal cuddles, books, music, etc. You may also consider self-care practices like meditation and mindfulness to ease your worries.

If you are struggling with chronic self-esteem issues, consider seeking the help of a licensed counselor or therapist to assist in your healing. They can help guide you to a healthier life.

Ready to begin counseling in Pennsylvania? 

Counselors and associate-level clinicians at CW Psychological Services are professionally trained. We have openings for online or telehealth therapy appointments. Email us at [email protected] or call (610) 308-7575. We want to help.