Holiday time—and all it entails—can be challenging for those grieving. After all, it is the time of the year when emphasis is put on embracing and sharing with loved ones, creating a strong reminder of what is missing.

The intense sorrow that often emerges this time of the year can cause people to turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms, avoid social gatherings, or dip into a deep depression. All those things that are meant to create joy — decorations, holiday music, and parties — can be painful reminders of loss.

At CW Psychological Services in King of Prussia, Pennsylvania we regularly work with clients on coping with grief. Our counselors have compiled this list of tips to help you navigate your grief.

You might be wondering how you are supposed to get through this time without your loved one. You might feel stuck, lost, unable to find any peace. The good news is this time will pass, and some strategies can help you get through and move forward.

1.) Understand Grief is Necessary for Healing

Let’s be real, grieving sucks. It is not fun to feel pain and sadness. It is arguably one of the worst things you will ever feel. But, it is necessary to allow yourself to grieve to heal. Avoiding your pain isn’t going to make it go away. Yes, temporarily you can numb yourself or pretend that the holidays don’t exist but this will prolong your sorrow. 

You will find a way to cope with grief and enjoy the holidays again, but first, you have to experience the anguish of going through them without your loved one. 

2.) Set Boundaries

It is not up to you to please everyone. Others might pressure you to attend every holiday gathering or participate in every family tradition, but you have the power. You can say “no.” If there is something you know will be too painful, pass on it this time around. If there are conversations you want to avoid at gatherings, give family members a heads-up. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone.

3.) Control What You Can

Many things in life are out of your control. You can’t choose what the grocery store aisles look like, the decorations in your neighborhood, or the holiday music on the radio. But, you can control the decorations in your home, the music you play, and how often you go to the store. These are all things that can help you manage your grief.

Pick what you can control to make the holidays easier on yourself. Maybe do all your shopping online so you don’t have to go out, skip the decorating this year, or listen to 90s pop instead of holiday tunes. Choose what you can to lessen your heartache.

4.) Have an Escape Plan

Even though you might be dreading holiday events, you shouldn’t avoid all of them. Pick a couple to attend and create an escape plan. Make sure you can exit the situation if things get unbearable. Drive yourself, or have a trusted friend, to events so you can leave when you want. Remember you don’t have to explain yourself. Just tell people you are tired and leave it at that. 

5.) Let Yourself Feel All the Things

You might feel a wide range of emotions — joy, happiness, sadness, and guilt— all at once. Let yourself feel the good feelings when they come and the bad ones. It is ok to find joy during hard times. It doesn’t have to be all bad. Don’t judge yourself for laughing, soak up those good moments. 

6.) Honor Your Loved One

Coming up with a way to memorialize lost loved ones during the holidays assists in the healing process. Maybe you can cook a meal that was once a favorite, post a picture, continue in a tradition you used to do together, or toast to their favorite song. Whatever you decide is perfect.

7.) Start New Traditions

It is ok, and even therapeutic, to start new traditions or alter old ones to fit your new lifestyle. Make it fun. Instead of an elaborate holiday party, maybe you have a holiday PJ party with a few close friends. 

8.) Spread Kindness

One of the best ways to make ourselves feel better is to help others. It is good for our spirits to help those in need and can be great in helping cope with grief. Whether you donate food to a food bank, make a craft for nursing home residents, or volunteer at a shelter, use your grieving energy for something positive and reap the heartfelt benefits. 

9.) Get Help

If you are struggling to get through the holidays or life in general, don’t wait. Lean on those around you. Ask for help from loved ones. Consider meeting with a therapist, counselor, or other mental health professional.

Ready to begin counseling in Pennsylvania?

Counselors and associate-level clinicians at CW Psychological Services are professionally trained. We have openings for online or telehealth therapy appointments. Email us at [email protected] or call (610) 308-7575. We want to help.