Dresses & Ties: How to Come to Terms with Crossdressing Desires
Societies like to make the complex simple. They insist on taking gray situations and ideas and making them black or white. In this way, people and situations can be more easily controlled and predicted, and the normal order can reign supreme.
Except, that isn’t realistic. We all know that human beings are very complex creatures and that life isn’t black or white. While others may like to put us in a box to make things easier for them, some of us simply don’t fit.
I have had the pleasure of getting to know quite a few crossdressers through my practice. They have come to me with feelings of guilt and confusion over their desire to wear the “wrong” clothes, the clothes that only the opposite gender is “supposed” to wear. Though they tried on their own to handle these desires and even conquer them, the majority felt powerless to stop.
Before we discuss “dealing” with your crossdressing desires, however, we need to make sure we are talking about the same thing.
Crossdressing vs. Transgenderism
Transgender refers to a person who identifies with a gender that does not match their biological sex at birth. While a person may have been born a female with a female anatomy and female chromosomes, that person identifies as a “he” in their daily life and may even choose to have gender-corrective surgery at some point.
People who crossdress often have a gender identity consistent with their biological. For example, a heterosexual man may identify as a male and be attracted to only females and still take pleasure in cross-dressing in women’s clothing. (In fact, you’d probably be surprised by how common and truly normal that situation is.) He does not wish to be female and he is not attracted to men, but he has a strong desire to explore his own femininity and feel beautiful.
Are Crossdressing Desires Really Something You Need to “Deal” With?
That’s not an easy question to answer, as everyone’s situation is different. What’s really important is to feel good about yourself and accept yourself for who you are. If you have feelings of shame or guilt, it’s important to talk to someone about those.
You may feel perfectly happy with yourself, but your partner may not like the fact that you crossdress. What do you do in that situation? Leave the relationship, or stop a behavior that makes you happy and is harmless to others?
The best advice I give my clients is to take some time to figure out what cross-dressing means to you. What value does it bring to your life? How does it affect your relationships? Does it negatively or positively impact the connection you have with others?
Though society would like to put you into a box, you are a unique individual and your journey in life is yours alone. Only you can decide if cross-dressing is right for you.
If you’d like to discuss your cross-dressing desires, please get in touch with me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
You know I have been battling with my crossdressing since the 1980s. And now I’m finely started to get comfortable wearing and accepting. It.
But even all this time I still have some quilt and embarrassment. But Thats slowing going away. Mosty because of 2nd wifes family is comfortable with me wearing and is accepting to it. It’s amazing how accepting. My blood family would turn their backs to me. Talk about a culture shock or whatever you would call it.
It was not a easy road for me. Basically what got me over the hump. Was my 2nd wife (was girlfriend at the time). If you own it, (referring to female clothing) wear it. Otherwise it’s just going to waste.
This women has saved me. In a round about way. Because of her I’m starting to become comforable. In the last 15 years I did a complete 360 degree turn around. I can say now. That I’m completely comfortable shopping for women’s clothes in stores. The best part I get to keep my big bushy beard.
I’m getting so comfortable that I started telling people I’m the new Max Klinger. (The guy from TV show M.A.S.H.)
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I am so glad to hear that you are gaining more comfort!
Best of luck to your wellness!