Coping With Pregnancy and Infant Loss

October 8, 2020

Pregnancy or infant loss is painful, devastating, and emotionally-jarring. How can you cope and move forward after loss?

Coping With Pregnancy and Infant Loss

October 8, 2020

Losing a child is devastating. It doesn’t matter if that child was growing inside of you or your partner, or was lost after birth. It is heartbreaking, emotionally-jarring, and traumatic.

Pregnancy and infant loss whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, or other complications are more common than one might think. One in four women will experience this tragic and painful loss. Model and Actress Chrissy Teigen recently shared her experience with pregnancy loss.

When this happens you may feel as if you can’t go on. You may be fearful of the future. You may feel alone and lost. You might feel like you are at fault—wondering what happened to cause this tragedy. All of these feelings are ok and perfectly normal, which is why it is so important that you take care of yourself.

Understand it’s Not Your Fault

Pregnancy and infant loss can happen to anyone. There are not always clear answers for why things like this happen and, while that in itself is hard to accept, it is important that you give yourself grace.

Give Yourself Time to Grieve

You might feel anxious to move forward or you might feel like you just want to give up. Grief is a complicated thing. It is important that you give your mind and body time to heal. Spend some time caring for yourself. If you don’t want to see friends or family because it is too difficult to talk about your loss, then give yourself a pass for the time being. Stay home and watch some funny movies.

Your body has also just endured the unimaginable. It needs time to recover. Listen to your doctor. Rest. Let others care for you.

Don’t Expect Your Spouse/Partner to Grieve the Same

Everyone has their own way of grieving. While you might be an emotional rollercoaster, your partner might be burying themselves in work or hobbies. That doesn’t mean they aren’t also in pain. It just means they are coping in a different way. Talk to each other and give yourselves the space to grieve in your own ways.

Consider Unplugging from Social Media

Photos of your friends’ kids or pregnancy announcements are probably not making you feel too great right now. And, that’s ok. Consider deactivating your social media accounts for the time being while you heal emotionally. You don’t need to put yourself through more grief than you are already enduring. These announcements can feel like personal attacks and painful reminders of what was lost. Instead of letting those negative feelings build up inside of you, disconnect. You can return when you are in a better place.

Don’t Push Yourself

People don’t like to see others sad. When you are grieving others might expect you to bounce back quickly, but it isn’t always this easy. Grief takes time. While it is important that you not completely shut yourself in, you also don’t have to force yourself into uncomfortable situations.

Baby showers and baby-related events can be especially hard when you have experienced a loss. Instead of trying to put on a happy face and get through these events, consider skipping them this time.

Lean on Your Support System

A support system can look many different ways—it could be a therapist who is helping you work through your emotions, it could be a friend who has gone through something similar, or it could be a spouse/partner. Whoever it is, it is important you have someone. You need someone you can feel safe talking to, someone who can put you at ease when your emotions are reeling.

A counselor can help you to process all these difficult emotions and ease your anxiety moving forward.

Keep Moving Forward

As mentioned above, don’t push yourself. That being said, it is also important that you re-enter the world when you are ready. It might feel like a huge deal to leave the house. Take small steps. Don’t plan a busy day. Instead, plan a self-care outing. Get your nails done with a trusted friend or family member who knows what you are struggling with. Go see a movie with your spouse or partner. Take a walk or go for a hike. Attend an exercise class. All of these things can help you to reclaim a sense of calm.

Find Hope

Feeling hopeful might seem like the furthest thing from your mind right now. You are probably feeling hopeless. You might be thinking that it will be impossible to have a healthy baby in the future. But the truth is, you will heal. These feelings, while they will likely stay with you in some ways forever, will subside. You will find the strength to move forward in whatever capacity that may look like for you. Hope can be a powerful ingredient to true healing.

Seek Help

If you are struggling with sadness, hopelessness, depression, and/or anxiety surrounding your loss, there is help. Professionally licensed mental health professionals can help you process all of these feelings in a healthy way. Counselors can give you healthy coping tools and help you to find hope for the future.

Searching For Online Counseling In Pennsylvania?

Counselors at CW Psychological Services are professionally-trained and licensed to help those struggling with pregnancy or infant loss. We have openings for online, or telehealth, therapy appointments. Email us at info@cwpsychologicalservices.com or call us at (610) 308-7575. You don’t have to go through this on your own. We are here for you.

Filed Under: Couples/Marriage, Grief, New Mother, Women's Issues Tagged With: anxiety, awareness, child, cope, depression, grief, infant loss, october, partner, pregnancy loss, relationship, remembrance, self-care

Signs Your Child Is Struggling and How to Help

September 10, 2020

Certain emotions can be hard for anyone to process, but even more so for children. What are some signs your child is struggling?

Signs Your Child Is Struggling and How to Help

September 10, 2020

Certain emotions can be hard for anyone to process, but even more so for children. They might not know how to react when they feel a certain way, so, as a parent, it is important to be aware of other signs your child may be struggling.

The signs are not always obvious. Instead of telling you how they feel, they might act out in behavioral ways or complain of physical discomforts.

The best thing you can do is pay attention. Note any sudden shifts in mood, behavior, or physical symptoms. These can be indicators your child could use some help coping. And, listen to your gut. Parents tend to have a sense something isn’t right.

Coping With COVID

The past few months, living during a global pandemic COVID-19, have been particularly challenging with everything being canceled and closed down. Now, as we begin another school year and our children and teens take on education in a new way—whether in-person or remote— it is perfectly normal for them to be having a hard time.

They might be mad that they have to wear a mask or confused as to why they can’t be in school with their friends. They might feel anxious about getting sick.

Whatever it is that is ailing them, what are some signs to watch for?

Physical signs your child is stressed:

Headaches
Upset Stomach
Chest Pain
Heart palpitations or increased heart rate
Insomnia
Nightmares
Bedwetting
Decreases in appetite, comfort-eating, or binge eating
Pretending to be sick to avoid certain activities

Emotional signs your child is stressed:

Anxious
Mood swings
Restlessness
Clinginess
New or recurring fears
Increased crying, anger, stubbornness, or aggression
Decreased concentration or motivation
Emotional overreactions to minor events
Regressing toward comforting behaviors like thumb-sucking, nail-biting, or sleeping with a stuffed animal
Social isolation, withdrawal, or unwillingness to participate in activities they used to enjoy

There are lots of reasons your child might be struggling, COVID-related and beyond. They might be upset they didn’t make a sports team, frustrated or confused by things going on within the home, sad about something with friends, or feeling depressed and not knowing why.

As a parent you probably wish you could take their pain and frustration away, you want to fix things, but you might not know how.

How can you help?

1.) Recognize Anxiety is Contagious. Sometimes without even realizing we project our feelings onto those around us. If you are feeling anxious yourself, look inward, try to find your calm so you don’t pass on those anxious feelings to your children. Deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, and meditation can be helpful. You may also want to consider counseling services for yourself so you can better work through your own struggles.

2.) Validate Your Child’s Feelings. Does what they are going through stink? It sure does. Talk to your child. Tell them it’s ok to feel angry, sad, frustrated, disappointed, etc. Whatever they are struggling with is ok. They don’t need to hide it from you. Help them to feel comfortable opening up about their struggles. Explain that they are not alone. Give them space to grieve.

3.) Avoid Referencing the Bigger Picture. Saying things like “life isn’t fair” or “we have to do this to keep others safe” aren’t going to help your child. Developmentally their worldview revolves around them, their friends, and their family.

4.) Stay Calm. If your child is emotionally unraveling it can be hard as a parent to keep your cool. You want them to relax but saying “just relax” is not the most helpful response. Instead, try to maintain your calm, be a listening ear. Coach them, point out the positives, tell them to breathe.

5.) Be Flexible. If your child struggles with anxiety they might not want to do something that you think they should be doing. Try to have some flexibility but also maintain a normal routine. Extra planning for transitions can be helpful as well. Maybe they need a little extra time or a pep talk.

6.) Modify Expectations & Praise Them for Accomplishments. During stressful times we all can have trouble getting things done. Modify your expectations for your child during challenging times and praise them for little things. For example at the end of a stressful e-learning day, tell them you are proud of them for sticking with it even though you know it was hard.

7.) Get Help. If your child is struggling consider getting them help. Online therapy options are available to connect your child to a therapist virtually. Counseling services can help teach your child ways to cope and manage their stress and disappointment in a healthy way. It is also good for parents to get the help they need so they are better able to support their child during these difficult times.

And, don’t forget to practice self-care. You also need breaks and an occasional reset to feel your best. You need to take care of yourself to take care of your child in the best way possible.

Searching For Online Counseling In Pennsylvania?

Counselors at CW Psychological Services are professionally-trained and licensed. We have openings for online, or telehealth, therapy appointments. Email us at info@cwpsychologicalservices.com or call at (610) 308-7575. We are here for you.

Filed Under: Adolescents/Teens, Anxiety, Children, Depression, Parenting, Teens/Children Tagged With: anxiety, behavioral, child, children, covid-19, depression, help, mental, parenting, physical, stress, stressed, struggling, support, tantrum