Tips for you and your children on dealing with disappointment I think it’s fair to say that 2020 has been the year of disappointment and even with a vaccine on the horizon that disappointment feels never-ending. Everything from birthday parties, family events and concerts to school, sports, and well, normal life has been canceled. And, […]
I think it’s fair to say that 2020 has been the year of disappointment and even with a vaccine on the horizon that disappointment feels never-ending. Everything from birthday parties, family events and concerts to school, sports, and well, normal life has been canceled. And, now as the holiday season is in full swing, you might be feeling an extra punch to the gut over the loss of experiences.
You are probably feeling a whole slew of different emotions — sadness, grief, anxiety, depression, guilt, fear, regret, hope, and gratitude, to name a few. Whatever you are feeling, it is ok. It is ok to be upset at everything that isn’t happening. It is ok to grieve and mourn the loss of experiences. Grief isn’t just something you feel when you lose someone you love, it can be a healthy part of healing from any traumatic experience—something 2020 has given us a fair share of. If you are struggling with accepting the emotions you are feeling, give in. Let yourself feel so you can heal and keep moving forward.
Besides allowing yourself to feel, what are some other ways for you and your family to deal with all this disappointment?
When trying to help your children as they struggle through all their disappointment, it is important to remember that anxiety is contagious. If you are stressing over all the things your children will pick up on it. But, the same is said for feelings of calm. If you have a calm demeanor your children will feel that and will likely be able to process things easier.
This is why it is important to check-in with yourself frequently. Take the time to process your own emotions and find your calm before addressing your children—that way you can approach the situation as calmly and level-headed as possible.
Acknowledge that whatever feelings you or your children are feeling is normal and completely acceptable. When your child is sad that they can’t have a birthday party or playdate, name their emotions — “you are sad, and that is ok.” Explain they are not alone. Everyone is dealing with severe disappointment right now.
It is also important to remember that a child is at a different developmental stage than an adult. Using the bigger picture to explain why things are the way they are to your child is likely not going to be well received. Saying things like “we need to stay home so hospitals don’t get overcrowded” is not something a child will understand. Children’s worldview revolves around them, their friends and family.
In every difficult time, there is a silver lining. Your child is learning a lot of valuable skills for managing stress and disappointment. They are learning how to be flexible and more resilient than ever. Use this time to teach them healthy ways to face their emotions. Teach them about self-care, talking or writing things down, and how to calm down when upset.
Being a listening ear for your children and other family members is the most important thing you can do for each other. Talk out your frustrations. Validate each other’s emotions. Then, focus on something fun you can do instead— make breakfast for dinner, play a board game, paint or do other crafts, movie night, build an epic pillow fort, or spend some time outside.
Use what resources you have to find ways to connect with those outside of your home. Set up virtual gatherings. Check-in with those you haven’t spoken to in a while.
Having something exciting to look forward to can be a huge help in getting through hard times. Right now making plans for the future may seem futile but things won’t be like this forever. Check out some fun vacation spots and start saving for a trip you may be able to make when things start to clear up. Make a list of experiences you want to do in the future. Focus all that grief energy on something productive and fulfilling.
Self-care is important all the time but even more so during times of high stress. The best thing you can do for yourself and others in your life is to take care of you. Spend some time doing things that bring your joy. Go for a walk, take a bath, read a book, cuddle up with a movie, chat with friends, plan an at-home date night with your partner. Also remember to take care of your health, get sleep, eat well, avoid overindulging in alcohol or unhealthy foods that are just going to make you feel crummy.
Seek help when you need it. Consider doing some online therapy with a counselor or therapist. They can help guide you through your disappointment and grief.
And, remember this is just a blip on the story of your life. You will get through these hard times.
Searching For Online Counseling In Pennsylvania?
Counselors at CW Psychological Services are professionally-trained and licensed. We have openings for online, or telehealth, therapy appointments. Email us at info@cwpsychologicalservices.com or call at (610) 308-7575. We are here for you.
Post-Election Stress Disorder is a very real thing, especially these days. It doesn’t seem to matter which side of the fence you are on, tensions and anxiety are at an all-time high.
Post-Election Stress Disorder is a very real thing, especially these days. It doesn’t seem to matter which side of the fence you are on, tensions and anxiety are at an all-time high. Whether you are concerned about the future of the country, your children, the economy, health care, or having conversations with friends/family, there is a good chance you are struggling with some form of post-election stress. Add to that the uncertainty of a global pandemic, and it just might feel like your plate is overflowing.
You and your family’s mental health is important, so what can you do to combat post-election stress and breathe a little easier in the face of uncertainty?
It is normal to feel stressed and overwhelmed at various points throughout your life but if the stress you feel is making it difficult to get out of bed in the morning or perform basic everyday activities, it could be time to get help. Take a moment to check-in with yourself and determine how your post-election stress is impacting the day-to-day. Are you avoiding conversations with friends or family? Are you skipping out on activities that used to bring you joy? Are you overcome with worry about the future? Are you struggling with sleep? Are you having trouble concentrating?
At CW Psychological Services we provide online therapy and counseling services to clients throughout the state of Pennsylvania. We are here to teach you healthy coping mechanisms and empower you to find calm.
It can be easy to get sucked into the 24-hour news cycle and before you know it you are left feeling anxious, exhausted, and overwhelmed by all the negative information being sent your way. Instead, set a time limit for yourself to take in the news. Turn off your news alerts. Allow yourself to watch the nightly news or a few minutes of a morning show, or read the newspaper with your morning coffee. Then, call it a day.
Also, pay attention to how you feel when you are on social media. If social media networks are making you feel down, limit your time. Don’t act impulsively with comments and statements, that will just lead to more of a headache. And, definitely be mindful of media consumption leading up to bedtime.
Sometimes the best way to de-stress is to channel those feelings into something positive and productive. Maybe there is a project you have been meaning to work on, use that stress energy to get to work. Instead of wallowing in misery, channel those feelings into helping others. Yes, you might be concerned about the future of the country but that doesn’t mean you can’t help others right now. Maybe it is cleaning out closets to donate unused items to people in need. Maybe it is raising money for charity or volunteering for a meaningful cause. There is so much need in the world, any help is good help.
It is easy for political conversations to go south and get heated, building wedges between yourself and those you care about. You don’t have to agree with your friends or family on politics, but that also means you should avoid topics surrounding politics. Set ground rules before family/friend gatherings and make everyone aware—conversations involving politics are off-limits. If you do decide to talk politics don’t make it about convincing someone to change their position, rather make it about trying to understand other points of view.
The number one thing you should be doing, now and always, is taking care of yourself. Practice healthy habits—eating right, getting sleep, unplugging from media, and exercising. Whatever self-care looks like for you, don’t forget to do it. Doing things that help you feel your best equip you to handle the uncertainties and unrest of the future.
Work on self-awareness. If you are feeling spent from an afternoon of election talk, cut yourself off. Binge-watch your favorite funny TV show, bake, listen to music, play video games, or get lost in a good book to take your mind off of everything else.
And, get help when you need it. It is ok to be struggling with all that is going on. It is ok to not be ok. You are not alone.
Counselors at CW Psychological Services are professionally-trained and licensed. We have openings for online, or telehealth, therapy appointments. Email us at info@cwpsychologicalservices.com or call at (610) 308-7575. We are here for you.
Pregnancy or infant loss is painful, devastating, and emotionally-jarring. How can you cope and move forward after loss?
Losing a child is devastating. It doesn’t matter if that child was growing inside of you or your partner, or was lost after birth. It is heartbreaking, emotionally-jarring, and traumatic.
Pregnancy and infant loss whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, or other complications are more common than one might think. One in four women will experience this tragic and painful loss. Model and Actress Chrissy Teigen recently shared her experience with pregnancy loss.
When this happens you may feel as if you can’t go on. You may be fearful of the future. You may feel alone and lost. You might feel like you are at fault—wondering what happened to cause this tragedy. All of these feelings are ok and perfectly normal, which is why it is so important that you take care of yourself.
Pregnancy and infant loss can happen to anyone. There are not always clear answers for why things like this happen and, while that in itself is hard to accept, it is important that you give yourself grace.
You might feel anxious to move forward or you might feel like you just want to give up. Grief is a complicated thing. It is important that you give your mind and body time to heal. Spend some time caring for yourself. If you don’t want to see friends or family because it is too difficult to talk about your loss, then give yourself a pass for the time being. Stay home and watch some funny movies.
Your body has also just endured the unimaginable. It needs time to recover. Listen to your doctor. Rest. Let others care for you.
Everyone has their own way of grieving. While you might be an emotional rollercoaster, your partner might be burying themselves in work or hobbies. That doesn’t mean they aren’t also in pain. It just means they are coping in a different way. Talk to each other and give yourselves the space to grieve in your own ways.
Photos of your friends’ kids or pregnancy announcements are probably not making you feel too great right now. And, that’s ok. Consider deactivating your social media accounts for the time being while you heal emotionally. You don’t need to put yourself through more grief than you are already enduring. These announcements can feel like personal attacks and painful reminders of what was lost. Instead of letting those negative feelings build up inside of you, disconnect. You can return when you are in a better place.
People don’t like to see others sad. When you are grieving others might expect you to bounce back quickly, but it isn’t always this easy. Grief takes time. While it is important that you not completely shut yourself in, you also don’t have to force yourself into uncomfortable situations.
Baby showers and baby-related events can be especially hard when you have experienced a loss. Instead of trying to put on a happy face and get through these events, consider skipping them this time.
A support system can look many different ways—it could be a therapist who is helping you work through your emotions, it could be a friend who has gone through something similar, or it could be a spouse/partner. Whoever it is, it is important you have someone. You need someone you can feel safe talking to, someone who can put you at ease when your emotions are reeling.
A counselor can help you to process all these difficult emotions and ease your anxiety moving forward.
As mentioned above, don’t push yourself. That being said, it is also important that you re-enter the world when you are ready. It might feel like a huge deal to leave the house. Take small steps. Don’t plan a busy day. Instead, plan a self-care outing. Get your nails done with a trusted friend or family member who knows what you are struggling with. Go see a movie with your spouse or partner. Take a walk or go for a hike. Attend an exercise class. All of these things can help you to reclaim a sense of calm.
Feeling hopeful might seem like the furthest thing from your mind right now. You are probably feeling hopeless. You might be thinking that it will be impossible to have a healthy baby in the future. But the truth is, you will heal. These feelings, while they will likely stay with you in some ways forever, will subside. You will find the strength to move forward in whatever capacity that may look like for you. Hope can be a powerful ingredient to true healing.
If you are struggling with sadness, hopelessness, depression, and/or anxiety surrounding your loss, there is help. Professionally licensed mental health professionals can help you process all of these feelings in a healthy way. Counselors can give you healthy coping tools and help you to find hope for the future.
Searching For Online Counseling In Pennsylvania?
Counselors at CW Psychological Services are professionally-trained and licensed to help those struggling with pregnancy or infant loss. We have openings for online, or telehealth, therapy appointments. Email us at info@cwpsychologicalservices.com or call us at (610) 308-7575. You don’t have to go through this on your own. We are here for you.
Certain emotions can be hard for anyone to process, but even more so for children. What are some signs your child is struggling?
Certain emotions can be hard for anyone to process, but even more so for children. They might not know how to react when they feel a certain way, so, as a parent, it is important to be aware of other signs your child may be struggling.
The signs are not always obvious. Instead of telling you how they feel, they might act out in behavioral ways or complain of physical discomforts.
The best thing you can do is pay attention. Note any sudden shifts in mood, behavior, or physical symptoms. These can be indicators your child could use some help coping. And, listen to your gut. Parents tend to have a sense something isn’t right.
The past few months, living during a global pandemic COVID-19, have been particularly challenging with everything being canceled and closed down. Now, as we begin another school year and our children and teens take on education in a new way—whether in-person or remote— it is perfectly normal for them to be having a hard time.
They might be mad that they have to wear a mask or confused as to why they can’t be in school with their friends. They might feel anxious about getting sick.
Whatever it is that is ailing them, what are some signs to watch for?
There are lots of reasons your child might be struggling, COVID-related and beyond. They might be upset they didn’t make a sports team, frustrated or confused by things going on within the home, sad about something with friends, or feeling depressed and not knowing why.
As a parent you probably wish you could take their pain and frustration away, you want to fix things, but you might not know how.
1.) Recognize Anxiety is Contagious. Sometimes without even realizing we project our feelings onto those around us. If you are feeling anxious yourself, look inward, try to find your calm so you don’t pass on those anxious feelings to your children. Deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, and meditation can be helpful. You may also want to consider counseling services for yourself so you can better work through your own struggles.
2.) Validate Your Child’s Feelings. Does what they are going through stink? It sure does. Talk to your child. Tell them it’s ok to feel angry, sad, frustrated, disappointed, etc. Whatever they are struggling with is ok. They don’t need to hide it from you. Help them to feel comfortable opening up about their struggles. Explain that they are not alone. Give them space to grieve.
3.) Avoid Referencing the Bigger Picture. Saying things like “life isn’t fair” or “we have to do this to keep others safe” aren’t going to help your child. Developmentally their worldview revolves around them, their friends, and their family.
4.) Stay Calm. If your child is emotionally unraveling it can be hard as a parent to keep your cool. You want them to relax but saying “just relax” is not the most helpful response. Instead, try to maintain your calm, be a listening ear. Coach them, point out the positives, tell them to breathe.
5.) Be Flexible. If your child struggles with anxiety they might not want to do something that you think they should be doing. Try to have some flexibility but also maintain a normal routine. Extra planning for transitions can be helpful as well. Maybe they need a little extra time or a pep talk.
6.) Modify Expectations & Praise Them for Accomplishments. During stressful times we all can have trouble getting things done. Modify your expectations for your child during challenging times and praise them for little things. For example at the end of a stressful e-learning day, tell them you are proud of them for sticking with it even though you know it was hard.
7.) Get Help. If your child is struggling consider getting them help. Online therapy options are available to connect your child to a therapist virtually. Counseling services can help teach your child ways to cope and manage their stress and disappointment in a healthy way. It is also good for parents to get the help they need so they are better able to support their child during these difficult times.
And, don’t forget to practice self-care. You also need breaks and an occasional reset to feel your best. You need to take care of yourself to take care of your child in the best way possible.
Counselors at CW Psychological Services are professionally-trained and licensed. We have openings for online, or telehealth, therapy appointments. Email us at info@cwpsychologicalservices.com or call at (610) 308-7575. We are here for you.
